I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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