Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
