Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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