So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
