Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
