i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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