Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
