It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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