She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
