Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
