If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
