He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
