Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
