Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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