I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
