There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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