mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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