he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
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