i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
