Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
