My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
