Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
