Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Green mimosas i think yes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
