she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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