My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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