Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
