do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
