FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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