What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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