So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm jealous of your bromance
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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