yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
