Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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