I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
