My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
