Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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