u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
