I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
