Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just found puke in my bra..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
