He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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