Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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