Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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