I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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