Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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