pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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