Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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