Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
