I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
