***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
