mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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