How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
