I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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