I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
