I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
